I could use some language for handling people who come over or who we run into, who don’t follow the same policies that we do. I’m thinking about the higher-pressure situations, like when my loving yet conspiracy theorist, always-right parents stop by. It seems like I would have to constantly be on their backs – and making everyone very uncomfortable – while we’re together.
Alison Bernstein, Ph.D.:
In the science of communication, we talk about finding shared values. Maybe it’s something as simple as “please keep me safe because you care about me and I care about you.” I would focus less on debunking specific ideas that they have and focus on what behavior you want them to adopt or change.
As an example, when my kids were born, we felt very strongly that everyone they interacted with for the first two months should have up-to-date DTaP and flu vaccines. We had to make a clear statement that we wouldn’t allow any visitor who did not have these. We also had to have uncomfortable conversations with family members who smoke. Some of these conversations were contentious but we were not willing to compromise on the safety of our children.
I think it takes setting clear limits and boundaries, even with those we love the most. It means being willing to accept that people might not be willing to comply with your request. We are not going to any place or interacting with other people who are unwilling to wear a mask and physical distance. If the people I interact with do those things while I interact with them, I worry less about what choices they might be making in other situations.